Dear Parents...

This blog entry is going to be a little different. I teach ESL at a private high school and I am constantly in awe of these students, who come to the US, often by themselves, when they are 14 or 15 and speak very little English. Yet within a few years, they have become bilingual and have a degree from a rigorous college prep school, sometimes with a full IB diploma. If you don't know what that is, trust me. It is beyond impressive. I would like to take this opportunity to help others understand a little bit just how difficult this path is and how much we must respect them for their efforts. I know I couldn't have done it.

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Dear Parents,

You have given your children an amazing opportunity. You are sacrificing so much to help your children succeed in the future. I know many of you are working two jobs and driving the same car for years so you can provide this for your children. Forget about the money. That's not the biggest sacrifice by far. You are giving up precious time with your kids. These are years you can never get back. You are missing so many important moments in your children's lives. I know. My son is half way around the world in London. It hurts knowing that I may never see my son score a try in rugby or a goal in soccer. (Sorry, Kai, FOOTBALL.) But I could never take this opportunity away from him because it is such a rare gift.

But you and I, we must remember that we are doing this because it is our job to provide the very best we can for our kids. My son doesn't owe me anything except to do the same thing for his kids. Please take a moment and consider a few things that I've learned over the past years. I am their teacher and I can never have the same relationship with your kids that you do. However, I also know that my son's teachers, in their own different way care very, very much for him. And in my own way, I care for your children very, very much. (If any students are reading this, remember that I will never, ever admit this to your face. I will always give you more homework and I will push you as hard as I can. Your tearful eyes and your heartbreaking excuses mean nothing to me. Deal with it and do your Moodle work.)

Your kids are doing something that I think most people can't. When your child arrives in the US, they are in a new country that is probably very, very different from their own. They probably don't know anyone. They are probably living with complete strangers who may or may not be nice. They might have to get up at 4:30 to take the bus, by themselves, to school. When they arrive at school on the first day, they have to get used to an educational system that is completely different from anything they have ever done before. The skills and tricks they used to succeed at home don't work anymore. (How would you feel if you woke up tomorrow and someone said to you "You're not a truck driver anymore. Starting today, you are nurse"?)

AND they probably don't understand a word of what people are saying around them. (Well, they might understand their homeroom teacher when she says "Good morning." But after that, it probably sounds like a bunch of geese honking.) AND they are doing this in HIGH SCHOOL. High school is the place where the worst possible thing to be is new and different. High school can be the loneliest place in the world for people who speak the SAME language. High school is full of kids who make fun of accents and laugh at mistakes. Can you imagine how scared your child must have felt on their first day? (And then I walk into the room. That can't make things any better.) I don't know about you, but I'm forty-five. I doubt I could do this now.

Be patient with your kids. Learning a second language is one of the hardest things to do successfully. Think about this. In Japan, Taiwan and Korea, every child from the age of thirteen must study English for at least six years, plus maybe another four in college. Every man and woman under the age of 60 in your country had to do that. What percentage of them could sit down and write a simple email message about what they did yesterday? What percentage could stand in front of ten English speakers and describe what they had for lunch this afternoon? After six months in the US, your child can probably write a two page essay about American history and give a presentation on osmosis -- in front of twenty TEENAGERS.

Try this. Go to your local high school and ask a teacher if you can talk to a class for ten minutes. You can talk to them about anything you want. And you can use your first language. And you don't have to care what they think about you because you will never see them again. If you do, maybe you will understand ten percent of what your child is feeling.

Try this. I am issuing an open challenge to any parent. Take the first unit of my grammar class with me. Choose your own level: basic, intermediate or advanced. We can meet online using Skype. I will teach you just like I teach your kids. Same homework, same quizzes, same tests. See if you can get a higher grade than your child.

Does your child always study as hard as he can? When you were in high school, did you? Does your child do her homework at the last minute sometimes and forget to study for a quiz occasionally? I certainly did when I was in school. They are teenagers. They do stupid stuff. So did we. They rarely work as hard as they should. Neither did we. They do stuff that drives us crazy. Our parents have grey hair for a reason, too. And your kids will survive it, get into a college and have successful lives as adults. We did.

In fact, they will probably be more successful than us because they will be something that very few of us are. They will be truly bi-lingual, educated in their second language. And they will have all of this at 20. Your kids are so far ahead of the game, it's almost unfair.

Imagine this. During your first semester overseas, if your English is at an intermediate level, you will do well to get a C- in a mainstream course like biology or World History. By the end of the year, a B- would be great. After the second year, your grades will be creeping up some more, closer to the B+/A- range, but you will also have many more mainstream classes. However, by the end of your third or fourth year, you should be doing about as well as average native speakers.

Most people who go overseas to study have to wait until they are in college. They go through the same process, only it's a lot harder because they are older. Meanwhile, your child will be ready to excel from the first day.

I remember one of the more frustrating students I have had. He played too much. He studied too little. His grammar and writing ability was one of the lowest in the class. He loved the girls and hated the books. If I had been his father, I would've been so angry about how much money I was wasting. However, he graduated from high school and was accepted at Gonzaga University, which is a very good school. At the end of his freshman year, he came back and visited. I almost didn't recognize him. His English was SO GOOD. His grammar was excellent. And he was doing very well in school. And he was excited about it and enjoying the academics. He taught me a very, very valuable lesson about judging teenagers.

Your child is running a long, long marathon. Very few people try it and even fewer finish. Don't get too upset if your child is running a little slow at first. Cheer them on. Be proud that they are even running in the race. With your love and support (and a lot of your money, unfortunately), they will finish that race.

There are two paddling races in Hawaii called the Na Wahine o Ke Kai (for women) and the Molokai Hoe (for men). It is a race from Moloka'i to O'ahu through some of the roughest water in the world. There are always a couple of elite crews that make it look easy. It isn't. But even the paddlers in the boat that finishes an hour behind the winners can walk tall when they reach the shore because they know that only a tiny percentage of people in the world can do what they just did. They are elite.

And your children will be too. Because you are giving them the chance. Cheer their success and forgive a few failures. They'll be fine, even if it doesn't seem like it right away.